Wednesday, August 16, 2006

They've got heart too

My mom, a.k.a. Grammy, babysat this morning for me. Matthew's birthday is coming up next month and the wind-up to it has started.

Today's conversation was told to me after the fact:
Grammy: "Matthew, would you like me to bring you presents or money for your birthday?"
Matthew, deep in thought: "I think........hmm...presents."
Grammy: "Are you sure? It might be fun to have a shopping trip instead."
Matthew (still not confident): "Ummm...I think presents."
Grammy: "I could get you a gift card to Toys R Us and you could go pick out whatever toys you'd like from there."
[quiet pondering]
Matthew: "I think I'll go with presents because Jade is so cute rolling in wrapping paper!"

A while ago, I was reading someone's blog and found something incredibly hysterical. We dealt with infertility for some time before we finally achieved our first pregnancy. But somehow, my body now knows what to do and our next three pregnancies have been naturally obtained. I stumbled across [read: clicked a link from another link until I was lost on how I got there] someone's blog who was (in '03) dealing with failed IVF's and quickly found myself wanting to follow her story to the 'end'. Her ability to emote through written words had me thoroughly immersed, combined with all the feelings that I felt back when we dealt with it. I suppose I was more entrenched in her storyline than I thought because I suddenly found myself laughing so hard that I had salty tears pouring down my face. And in the literal next breath, I was crying those heart-wrenching sobs, followed by laughing tears in the next breath. I was doing a great Jekyll/Hyde impersonation, to my children's horror. They didn't quite know what to do with me.
Rose crept closer, wanting to help but not really knowing what to do. "What hurts, Mommy?" "Nothing sweetie." "Why are you crying?" Oh to be so naive/young to think that tears are only for physical hurts! "I don't know." Laugh, laugh, cry, weep.
Matthew quickly started to read the blog entry to find the source of my tears. "Don't you ever just feel like crying sometimes?" "No. I wish you felt happier Mommy." "Well, a couple of hugs would help." I find myself innundated with a barrage of hugs. Jade runs over to get in on the huddle and I feel myself relaxing a bit. Matthew jumps up and starts singing in a silly voice and trying to make me laugh. While I'm not sure that will calm down my exaggerated feelings, it *is* funny watching him dance around the living room, singing about his new Transformer that 'bit his rear'. Yep, I'm pregnant alright. (Of course, as my three kiddos snuggle up to watch some tv with me, I take the opportunity to explain that hormones can make pregnant women crazy sometimes.) Ahhh the sheer bliss of it all.

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